Quick Life Update

    

    "I fully understand that I put my blog address on my CV, so some recruiters might see this post and thinking twice to hire me, but right now I don't have an outlet to express my real feelings about going through some extreme changes and I think the only right thing to do is to write it down.

    This past month has been hell of a ride. I've been working from 8 to 22 constantly (yes, the contract also stated this matter) and I don't expect that this means I have zero private life, even on weekends. Yes, this is hard and I barely survive it. I never had any mental issues about anything (or as long as I know and feel), but since I worked again, I got drained everyday and on some bad days I even feel nauseous and have trouble sleeping. Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night with heart pounding so fast, thinking about some unfinished job or angry customers.

     This is only a month and I'm sending help. I believe I'm capable of doing this job, but this is really hard. All facts, no caps. I can't say anything to my parents about it. I also can't do much now. I know that my only choice is to hold out everything until 3-months-probation ends. Have you ever wanted a job so bad, but once you got it, you just know that the job doesn't work for you?"

 

     ******

 

    I wrote this post 7 days ago in the morning, minutes before I have to clock in for work. I remember feeling sick over everything that day. I don't think I can survive another day, yet I'm still here writing this post. I've learned so much this month. I learned how to be tougher and stronger everyday. I learned to pray about so many things before sleep, asking God's help because that's all I can do. I learned that there are only a few mean customers, but those customers are the ones who I remembered the most.

    I always ask my friends, when is the right time to give up? Is it okay to just leave and don't care about anything? But I realize, that's just how life is supposed to be. Hard. So that we become a better version of ourselves. I hope I can continue my journey until the probation ends. So I can decide if this path is the best path for me to follow.

 

See you tomorrow!